The idea of ​​writing this came to me spontaneously, on its own. Reflecting on the eternal search for a better life, “it’s good where we are not,” about abroad. A dozen different jobs in 2 years, different types of activities, different places, different people. Different levels of responsibility and remuneration. Different reasons for leaving.

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… It’s raining outside, there’s a mug of hot tea without sugar on the table in front of me and now there’s no sweets. I’m getting out of the habit. It’s hard for me – sweets have been my weakness for all 21 years of my life, but I need to change. You can’t let everything take its course – otherwise “a mortgage for half a century, a Ford Focus on credit, a fat wife, a poor son, a dacha” – the outcome is predictable. We need to train self-control. Give up sweets, I’ve been doing it for 6 days now. Start running in the morning – this morning was the 3rd time. No other bad habits. And we need to do something with work, change ourselves, our attitude towards many things that relate not only to work, become more active, don’t let people sit on your neck “out of the kindness of our hearts”, set priorities.
The text will be long, tedious in places, and very subjective. Everyone sees the world differently. Look through my eyes.
Let’s get started.
Part one – “Everything as an adult”
Starting point: May 2011.
Moving from the outskirts of the city (I prefer to remain incognito) to the center, parents’ divorce, 19th birthday, first real job, a lot of ideas, desire, sparkle in the eyes. Then I, from a dashing street hustler (not to be confused with a gopnik, I’m really not like that, I never offended the weak), always confident in myself and my strengths, began to pupate into something slippery, sticky, a creature without a name, gender and character. Obsequious attitude towards the authorities, the most – the most honest, always and everywhere ready as a sailor. We have to work without lunch – of course, everything for the office! I’m sick – you’re a man, 38.7 is not a reason to lie in bed! The salary is small – you have no experience, no skills, student! Say thank you, do you know how many there are in your place??
I’ll make a reservation right away that I’ve never been an ass-licker, but at that moment I morally, inside myself, sank even lower – I never curried favor with management, but for some unknown reason I became just a nobody, a sort of Japanese employee, ready to commit hara-kiri to myself at the first word of my boss. I didn’t give a damn about myself, I reset my priorities. The boss is God, I am a bug.
This is what is called a slave mentality. Lose yourself. Don’t give a damn. Soviet drumming “I am the last letter of the alphabet”. Whatever is left for others, so be it, you can take for yourself. The boss is, by default, a being of divine nature, many times smarter than you just because he/she is the boss, and older than you.
In the depths of my soul, realizing the comicality of the current situation, I still tried to convince myself that I was “wow”, just a little more, and the world would fall at my feet. I’m all like that… It’s just that when I returned to my now unloved job, I shoved myself deeper into my ass, despite all instructions, and again in a circle..
Part two – “New life from Monday”
This could not go on forever – two diametrically opposed entities coexisted within me for about six months, periodically resulting in internal conflict and permanent depression. In the end, having changed 2 jobs in 2011, and having been such a slug at both, I couldn’t stand it.
Shortly before the New Year, my resignation letter landed on the boss’s desk, right after the corporate party. I think that’s where a critical shift occurred – I overcame my complexes and began to dance wildly as best I could without regard to my “wooden” plasticity. For the first time in 19 years. 19 years of serious expressions and stereotypes “men don’t dance” and other things. It was fun.
Then the New Year’s Eve at home, the "traditional" post-New Year’s spree – prostitutes, taverns, a couple of times "party in the hut" – that time it was trash. I don’t want it anymore.
Then there was a march – throws from one extreme to another – instead of “at least this kind of work” the record changed to “fuck, I’m so wonderful, I’ll work for less than n money, and even no more than 8 hours a day.”.

The result is 3 winter months of degradation within the four walls of a warm, cozy apartment, the route ate – shit – into bed, with the constant “I’ll find a job tomorrow”, accumulation of negativity, debts and fat around the waist, reproachful glances from my mother.
I spent days playing the pirated Left 4 Dead, watching South Park, and jerking off here. Along the way, the brain was corroded by the introduction to the series of films “Zeitgeist”, the author of which skillfully juggles facts, mixing into one deck truth and speculation, and yellow articles about how America is going to attack Russia, drink all the vodka, fuck all the virgins, implant microchips in all people on the planet and ultimately make Obama a true – black ruler.
Perhaps this is what they call a “midlife crisis,” in which case we can assume that I have had a mild form of the disease and am now immune.
With the arrival of spring, it became increasingly difficult to continue to sit within four walls for obvious reasons, and I smoked my mortal carcass, sagging wherever possible in the hostile outside world in search of “at least some kind of work”.
At least some work was the position of a waiter, which, according to my stereotypes, was also “not a boy’s”. However, there was nowhere to go, I was terribly ashamed in front of my mother, I didn’t want to feel like a schmuck, and I resigned myself. A change in lifestyle, slightly increased self-esteem, warm weather, an abundance of pretty girls and subsequent debauchery with one of them gave me new strength. The crisis has receded..

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Part three – “Searching for the real you”
At some point, the realization clearly came to me – I was wasting time. It just passes without bearing any fruit. Why? “What goes around comes around”. I didn’t sow anything. I was happy with having a job, which protected me from the thought “I don’t sit on my neck,” and on weekends, with rare exceptions, I still spent time on the computer on the Internet, occasionally going out to crowded places with friends.
I was 20 then. I thought – so what?? From the age of 16 I stopped feeling the passage of time. For example, just yesterday I was 16, then 17, coming of age, etc. d. There is no longer that childhood feeling that time drags on unbearably when you wait so long for a birthday or New Year. Time rushed by at a speed that was behind the schedule of a “jumshot”, only gaining momentum, and I did nothing. At all. No aspirations, just to have a day off soon, laze around, the Internet is all my leisure time. It’s akin to drug addiction, except it doesn’t cost you a pretty penny and doesn’t affect your health.
More and more often I was worried about thoughts like “time will fly by, so all my youth will pass, I’ll be left with nothing.”. »
From that moment on, the curve of my independence began to slowly but surely creep up. I joined the gym and started hanging out with friends more often. At the same time, the old I began to return, the former confidence appeared in my voice, I began to stand my ground without internal reflection, completely sincerely, and not mentally pushing myself “I’ve already decided, I’ll do it this way”.

***
Conflict with superiors, no requests for a chance, leaving with his head held high, fortunately a comrade invited him to work with him, new impressions and still warming the soul “no, I found a better place” when paying.
Thanks to that friend who almost forcibly dragged me into the pool with him before work. In 3 trips I swam across the pool on my own. And this despite my then fear of depth!
I started learning English, unfortunately, with the new schedule I had to leave the gym, but I know that I will return there again.
Everything calmed down for a while.
Part four – "Light at the end of the tunnel"
Nothing lasts forever – then there was a lot more work, hopes that each one would turn out to be permanent, a permanent failure of expectations, again searching, again waiting, all over again..
Last place of work – from February to May of this year. Digital technology, from morning to evening there is a lot of work, meetings, audits after the end of the working day. And I liked it. I wanted to achieve a lot there, my fire of ambition was starting to flare up. After all, when more successful peers, who have their own wheels and square meters (although these are not absolute values, it would still be stupid to deny the realities of our world) flash before our noses every day, they no longer make excuses in the style of “yes, his parents are cool, they help”. You begin to worry about this and look sadly at the meter.
Along with my ambitions, my convictions also grew stronger – there is no need to be arrogant, but you need to know your worth. You shouldn’t strain yourself where it won’t be appreciated—save your beads. A lot of nerves, time and effort were spent before it once again dawned on me where I had ended up. What did you expect, student with secondary special education?? To your personal account and a young secretary making you… coffee? Company car F – class with a personal driver and vacation in the Maldives 2 times a year?
This was the last brick in my wall. Stop having illusions. Knowing your worth is good, but don’t expect the promised mountains of gold. Understand what is needed to possess the above benefits and desire to possess them. Water does not flow under a lying stone, and never will.
Part Five – "Final"

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The ending of my story, but not my story.
When I found out that the company was cutting off all our earned bonuses, the decision, which had already been brewing for more than a month in my managerial head, was finally confirmed, without the right to amnesty. To be left without bonuses means to be left without 2/3 of your planned earnings. This can’t be allowed to happen. We have to leave. Many wanted to leave, but they were held back by loans and rented housing. Loans… These slave shackles that people voluntarily happily throw on themselves. Life on borrowed time. This is a modern trend – if you have a fifth iPhone now, there is no time to wait – it will become outdated. Why save for a car – take a loan from a bank, everyone does it. Mantra – “everyone does this”, “yes, I don’t overpay”, etc. d. But that’s another topic, and in general it’s none of my business.
I was so pleased with my awakened rebellious impulses when, during a meeting, I joined a small group of colleagues who announced their resignation. I remembered Zhirinovsky with his “stop putting up with this”, he had a hard time not laughing. However, the feeling of deep moral satisfaction from the decision made without hesitation does not leave me even now, a few days after the incident. I have yet to go in for a payment, how great it is that now I don’t have to drag myself there every day and patiently chew on unpleasant-smelling people from the outback with a half-meaning look about how to get equipment on credit. No more explaining to grandmothers that we don’t have a photocopy. There is no need to answer drunks that they don’t pour it here, and we don’t know where they pour it. There is no need to listen to the complaints of rednecks whose Windows have crashed on their laptop and explain that the program is not covered by the warranty. You don’t have to push yourself just to get there.
I have no false illusions about my next job, but now I know exactly what I want. I want to get out of here for permanent residence in Europe or the states, where I won’t have to work for the army and live from paycheck to paycheck. To do this, I need to finish learning the language and save up a small capital for the subsequent move, and further down the list, but that’s a completely different story.
Until the moment when something clicked in my head, and I decided to give this chaotic stream of thoughts its outline, I sent out my resume to potential employers. Responses will begin soon. But I will no longer grab the first “at least some kind of job” that comes my way. I will no longer silently listen to the tirades of my superiors, agree to a pittance salary and throw out negativity on others.
I will find out what will come of this later, but for now a new chapter begins in my life..

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My life is certainly not so sad, but similar thoughts arose, I think this is normal for everyone at my age. But the last point about leaving the country confused me, because it painfully reminded me of myself recently. Let me explain.
A couple of years ago, I was seriously thinking about how crap everything is in Russia, and how good everything is in the Americas and Europe, what great travel reports from there, etc.d. The odd contrast was reinforced by a constant stream of bad news and cries that it was time to get on the tractor. Started to think about the future. Since that time, I have read many reports from people who moved to live abroad and, first of all, those who went there to receive their first higher education, which is closest to me. And after all this I changed my mind. But first things first.

First of all, let’s take the language. https://dream-jackpot-casino.co.uk/ It’s critical to know. I studied English like most people, so I paid attention to English-speaking countries: USA, Canada, England, Australia, New Zealand. All these countries with a good standard of living compared to Russia. And it is important to remember that these countries, and not only them, are not against the arrival of educated specialists. T.e. either you are very smart and get into a university through competitions, or you have the means to pay for tuition, or you are transferring from a local university through a student exchange program. Then you can study there and, if you succeed, have a great chance of staying there forever. If the university doesn’t work out and you are already working, then you can try to look for an employer who will provide you with a work visa and housing. Of course, you need to be such a good worker that they will move. Then after working for several years you receive citizenship. This is not a general pattern, but usually something like this. Once again, all countries need smart heads.

Now let’s take the standard version of the Russian dreamer, who is not a sought-after specialist, does not have a good education, does not have large funds and rich relatives in a foreign country who will help him. Everything is simple here, if you can’t get around in this country and achieve something, then nothing will work out in another. A miracle won’t happen. Having somehow received a visa and moved, it will be difficult to find a good job. We’re not the only ones who look askance at visitors. The same attitude towards Mexicans in the USA, Turks in Germany, Africans in Italy, Latinos in Spain, Arabs in France. States do their best to prevent such migrants, and the population will treat them like “the dick from the mountain”. The choice of jobs will be small and unlikely to imply career growth and high salaries. And after all, good health care, law and order, medicine, education there do not come out of thin air, the same taxes are spent on this, which, unlike Russia, are perhaps more competently controlled and spent. So while you are hunching over there like a donkey, you can rise here if you have the same skills. Well, finding a wife and having children will not be easier, but bringing one from Russia will be even more difficult.

And about Russia. Yes, everything is bad. Yes, worse than in civilized countries. But I think Russia has a future and potential. The country has every chance to become the best place to live for its own population. Yes, there is simply an unplowed field of enormous opportunities here. And yes, raising the country is difficult, difficult and one cannot do it alone. I won’t say anything original, but you need to start with yourself and be an example. But this is not our path, so we think it’s easier to leave. In fact, there is a very big meaning hidden in the proverb “Where you were born, you are useful.”.

And some statistics. They mostly leave before the age of 30, at 20-25. And this is significant, because when a person finds his place, friends and family, and he has a real opportunity to move, he stays. Because everything is getting better and something is already holding. And it’s not so bad anymore. So you just need to find yourself and your place.
I do not claim to be absolutely correct in my thoughts, this is simply what I deduced for myself from the information received. But the author, if you really want and are thinking about moving, then you should think REALLY well and study everything very carefully, otherwise you may just waste that very precious time that you are afraid of losing.

I think that if you see this state of affairs here, you will eventually see it elsewhere. Changing yourself and your worldview is more difficult than moving. Everything you wrote about, I hear more often from others than I see myself. Maybe I’m lucky, or maybe I am.
In general, I have already said everything I think, I just urge you to think carefully. Everyone has their own head and everyone is free to decide for themselves what to do. And good luck finding your place.
"Ubi bene, ibi patria".

Oh, I want to write to you so much. I don’t know what to choose. At one time in my life everything was shit. And at this wonderful moment I was drafted into the army. Then I came – and everything stopped being shit. The sun shone brighter, the world became kinder, shawarma tasted better, and I found hobbies that I really enjoy. I liked your statement about “secondary-specialized”. I don’t have that either. A year in engineering, a year in university, fuck you all, I don’t like it here, I’m a slacker momaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa she. And so on. It’s so cool to read crap like this on blogs, maybe I’ll write it myself someday. Maybe someone will read it. Only my Santa Barbara is worse, with a spoiled childhood, an asshole father, drunk relatives, a redneck district and a redneck city, concepts, marijuana, alcohol, the stupidity of others and the absolute certainty that I am God, and there can be no objections. In short, it’s tough. Why do people so rarely use the Internet to share such crap?? Why is it easier for them to come up with an ideal story of how they became an individual and throw it out at strangers, none of whom will believe this nonsense?? Dude, everyone here is as fucked up as you! Well, or almost everything! And each of us will believe that this is him… That this is him… that these are the others… but… I..
I’m sure no one even noticed your head held high, you’re a loser for them, nothing more.
Your values ​​are worthless if you still think that you need to live like someone else. Die in a small apartment with a dim light bulb and no wife. It will be tantamount to being holed up in a luxury mansion with a top model in your arms. What the f*ck difference? Do you want to rise up and achieve something in this life?? First define what..

The description of your places of work struck a chord; I can well imagine the unpleasant staff, the constant fines, the disrespect and rudeness of the bosses.
And here it is also said very strongly.

Stop having illusions. Knowing your worth is good, but don’t expect the promised mountains of gold. Understand what is needed to possess the above benefits and desire to possess them. Water does not flow under a lying stone, and never will.

Another thing is that everyone’s needs are different, of course. For some, buying a fifth iPhone is the main achievement, but for others, saving up for an apartment. From here you need to calculate your capabilities.
In general, good luck to you in the new chapter of your life))
P.S. In general, the reasoning here is very philosophical, I didn’t expect to see something like this on the blogs of a gaming site.

You have a spring flare-up?
Somehow everyone started to feel some kind of depression. Oh well. Good luck in the States (if it works out, of course)

Do you think people live differently abroad?? Also for salary. It’s like teenage idealism.

that I cannot have idols – because instead of looking up to someone and imitating it is better to find myself, and develop myself as much as possible, and not make me look like..

Set of words. Having an idol is none of the things you listed. I told you, their point is to force you to do something. Inspiration.

Hehe, good luck, of course, but if you are not a one-legged black homosexual, then you will have to work even harder with even less prospects. Therefore, if you are already hanging out here, then you should save up enough money to immediately buy a seat in the Senate. Or think about some US substitutes. Local small businesses themselves cannot start there.

Take it easy on turns, if you needed words of support, pink hugs and tears of sympathy, then it was worth indicating this in advance, so as not to waste time on meaningless expressions with angry splashing of saliva later. If you are so interested, then from this message you give a controversial impression in terms of age, sorry, if it offended you so much, the post was not about an insult. I don’t know which word of my comment made you think I was saying that we don’t have problems. The point was that judging by your first post – and now this one (to which I am writing a response) – you associate foreign spaces with Eden in clinically light colors, and the window to Europe itself has a pinkish tint on the glass.
I don’t think it’s rational to answer each point, since most of them are just emotions.

This is fine. Life is impossible without contradictions. Thanks to them it makes at least some sense! It’s fun to be a contradiction… of yourself O_o You know what picture I’m waiting for :3

I support comrade SanaLambo, but I want to add something about our life. You don’t like “a large percentage of cattle, a slave mentality… Shitty streets, people without aspirations”. Of course, we have everything, but don’t think that when you arrive there you’ll find yourself in a fairy tale. Although the streets there are not littered, there are enough of their own “cattle”. There they also live on “loans” and dream of rising to the rank of “third assistant senior supervisor”. Besides, here you know everything, you know the laws of society, you know people, you know how to behave, how to communicate, what you can say, what you can’t say. Everything here is simple and familiar from childhood. But there everything is different, a different mentality, a different culture, different people, they operate with different concepts and moral values, you will have to rebuild. As a result, you get new bugs, and only partially removed old ones from the features.

And then damn I blushed =( Maybe it’s okay? Messi is my idol – he’s the best football player in the world, after all.

Yes, I’m not talking about the state of affairs in Raska (I want to leave in the future), about the phrase “where I won’t live from paycheck to paycheck”. She’s unfaithful in my opinion.

No, I’m still your fan. In the Volga region we even have three fan clubs named after Messiuki. And in schools, the first thing they teach is that? That’s right, Messisuk studies, Messisukomatics and Messisuk language. Why is that all? Because I am the only owner of a Kalashnikov assault rifle in the region!

I personally have never had idols. More precisely, it did, but they did not exist in nature. I made them up. And in different years they were different. Scientists, football players, game developers.